Tom's Blog

Tomorrow (Saturday) will be two weeks since Jeffrey moved in and everything is going very very well.   Jeffrey has had to change insurance company for his car since they don’t service Minnesota and today he went in to get a Minnesota driver’s license.  It was a bit of a shock for him.  When I told him it took me less than 10 minutes to get my tags for the car last time, he didn’t believe me.  So confronting the reality of not having to spend the entire afternoon at the DMV made him a believer.  I think he’s starting to understand some of the differences between living in Los Angeles and Minneapolis and just how much stress California living has.

The kitchen is starting to be a lot more functional, though we really need more shelf space.  It’s very nice having a meal ready when I get home from work.  I think I’ve eaten more vegetables in the last two weeks than in the whole rest of year and I’m in serious danger of destabilizing my body’s internal chemistry.   I’ll enjoy it though while I can.  Once he’s working full-time it’ll probably be back to Grape Nuts for dinner.

There is a lot to do this weekend of course and being back to work full-time has really cut into my free-time for projects.  At least now Jeffrey and I can work together on stuff and get more done than I could alone.  Definitely no regrets here about having someone to share life with.

On the up side Jeffrey has been here a week now.  Took his car in today and got the oil changed and antifreeze put in radiator so it doesn’t freeze this winter.  He has a lot to learn about living in part of country that winter happens.   That said we are unpacking and getting used to each other on a 24/7 basis.  I really think this is going to work out though.  We are doing some reorganizing of the house and shopping for new furniture.  We found a cool place that has a great sofa, but haven’t ordered anything yet.

On the down side I had to go to the ER last Saturday because I though I was having a stroke.  The left side of my face quit working, though fortunately it turned out to Bell’s Palsy and not a stroke, but it was scary though.  I am still symptomatic and probably will be for a few more weeks and I am adjusting.   I can’t blink or completely close my left eye and because there is little muscle tension in the left side of my face chewing is annoying because food tends to accumulate in my cheek.  I guess it can last for several weeks so I’m just being patient.

Even though this is under the category ‘Cool Gay News’ Maine’s vote to repeal gay marriage wasn’t cool.  I’ll come back to that shortly.  First the cool news:

Kalamazoo Michigan did vote to expand gay rights by a wide margin.  Not marriage of course but I still congratulate and thank them for what they did.

Washington state’s referendum 71 looks like it passed giving gays there everything but marriage.  Narrowly and we won’t know for sure for a few more days but again thank you to the citizens of Washington.  What was passed in Washington is exactly what I’d want from the state government.  All the rights that a state can confer to it citizens in a committed relationship.  This law was for gay and straight couples.

A number of GLBT people were elected to various political offices.  Yay!  Even in Texas the new mayor of Houston might be a lesbian.  She is in a runoff vote since no one got the majority.  In Texas even making it that far is amazing.

Sigh back to Maine.  According to the polls it should have been a lot closer, but people probably lied to the pollsters about how they would vote.  When talking to a real person on the phone they are ashamed to be voting against gay marriage because they know that it means they are bigots, but since the ballot is secret they can be as discriminatory as they want without worrying about anyone knowing.  That sort of hypocrisy really bothers me.  Another thing that really bothers me is the total dead silence from the Federal government.  Not a word of support to either side before the vote and total indifference to the results.  Obama in particular has said over and over that he would be a strong advocate for gays.  At least with Bush we knew he hated us and would not support anything that improved the lives of gays and he never lied about his stance.  Obama on the other hand I have to say has lied to the gay community every time he has talked to us.  Obama certainly has not been an advocate for us.  Scott Fish, a spokesman for Stand for Marriage Maine, said the campaign had never been anti-gay.  Mr. Fish there is no other way to spin it.  Repealing the gay marriage law was anti-gay.  You and everyone who voted ‘Yes’ is anti-gay.  There is no other interpretation.  Period.

I wonder if Obama would sign into law Federal recognition of gay marriage?  I would bet every penny I pay in taxes that he wouldn’t.

Tuesday November 3rd I hope to hear good news that voters in those states will not repeal laws passed earlier this year to expand gay rights.  Polls show it to be close though and in an off year vote it’s tough to get people out to vote.  The people that go vote Tuesday will probably be less than half the number that voted in the Presidential election.

It’s going to be very very close and I have my fingers crossed.

Or more specifically, do you believe in the Christian God?  If yes then why?

Most people would probably answer that with ‘I have faith’ or ‘The bible is God’s Word’.  Except for a very small number of people who converted from another religion (Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, etc) the real answer is that is how you were raised.  If your parents were Christian, you were raised as a Christian and that is what you grow up believing.  There isn’t a universal Truth that draws everyone to a particular god or religion.  When you are a child you believe in anything, Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny and God.  As you get older you discover all those things you believed in as a child weren’t real but stories, except for God.  You keep being told God is real.  Anyway this was something that popped into my head while cleaning house.

P.S. – It fascinates me that the oldest organized religions are still going strong after several thousand years, like Hinduism.  Back in the early days of Judaism there was a concerted effort to destroy the god Ba’al by the Yahweh which eventually succeeded since you’d be hard pressed to find anyone today who worships Ba’al.  God doesn’t seem to be as interested today in removing the competition though.  There are some fringe elements in most religious organizations that talk about cleansing the Earth of the false gods, ie any but their own, but most mainstream clergy tend to take a live and let live view of other religions.

An old friend called the other night.  We haven’t talked on the phone for quite awhile, in at least a year and haven’t actually seen each other face to face in several years as he lives out of state now.  He said he was surprised to discover I’m a radical gay, to which I replied that I didn’t think I was really a radical.

Though admittedly by the stands of day when I first met him my views today are pretty radical.  Back in the early 80′s I was deep in the closet and the doors were locked tight.  Gay sex was still illegal in a lot of states back then.  Can you believe it wasn’t until 2003 that sodomy laws in all 50 states were finally ruled unconstitutional?  That must have really annoyed Bush since it was his Supreme Court that made the ruling.  Things like gay marriage weren’t even a fantasy.

I think what he saw as radical I see as vocal.  Now I only started coming out about two and a half years ago and for me the experience has in general been a good one.  When I say I’m ‘vocal’ it’s really on the Internet.  My family, friends and co-workers know I’m gay but I don’t advertise that I am gay when out shopping for groceries etc.  On the other hand I don’t hide it either.  When I took a writing class at the Loft this Fall, I came out to the class since gay themes came up and I had just attended the Gaylaxicon convention.

Gays get told a lot that we shouldn’t flaunt our lifestyle.  What they are really saying is if you want to be gay fine, but keep it in the closet.  I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me.  I’m out of the closet and I am delighted and proud to have Jeffrey as my partner and I feel better about myself now than I probably ever have.  I admit you will never see us making out at a Chipotle restaurant like the straight couple I saw last weekend (and they weren’t teenagers either), but you might see us holding hands.  Straight people need to see more out gay people around them and realize how often they interact with us on a daily basis already.

That said, I torn between wanting people to accept us as we are and being as out as I can be and wanting to keep my sex life private since it’s really no ones business that I’m in love with and having sex with another man.  Sometimes life is so complicated, but radical or not it is fun.