Radical?
by Tom on Nov.01, 2009, under Random Musing
An old friend called the other night. We haven’t talked on the phone for quite awhile, in at least a year and haven’t actually seen each other face to face in several years as he lives out of state now. He said he was surprised to discover I’m a radical gay, to which I replied that I didn’t think I was really a radical.
Though admittedly by the stands of day when I first met him my views today are pretty radical. Back in the early 80′s I was deep in the closet and the doors were locked tight. Gay sex was still illegal in a lot of states back then. Can you believe it wasn’t until 2003 that sodomy laws in all 50 states were finally ruled unconstitutional? That must have really annoyed Bush since it was his Supreme Court that made the ruling. Things like gay marriage weren’t even a fantasy.
I think what he saw as radical I see as vocal. Now I only started coming out about two and a half years ago and for me the experience has in general been a good one. When I say I’m ‘vocal’ it’s really on the Internet. My family, friends and co-workers know I’m gay but I don’t advertise that I am gay when out shopping for groceries etc. On the other hand I don’t hide it either. When I took a writing class at the Loft this Fall, I came out to the class since gay themes came up and I had just attended the Gaylaxicon convention.
Gays get told a lot that we shouldn’t flaunt our lifestyle. What they are really saying is if you want to be gay fine, but keep it in the closet. I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me. I’m out of the closet and I am delighted and proud to have Jeffrey as my partner and I feel better about myself now than I probably ever have. I admit you will never see us making out at a Chipotle restaurant like the straight couple I saw last weekend (and they weren’t teenagers either), but you might see us holding hands. Straight people need to see more out gay people around them and realize how often they interact with us on a daily basis already.
That said, I torn between wanting people to accept us as we are and being as out as I can be and wanting to keep my sex life private since it’s really no ones business that I’m in love with and having sex with another man. Sometimes life is so complicated, but radical or not it is fun.
